4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
