i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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