are you still at the devil's house?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
