i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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