Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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