sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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