I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
