So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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