I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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