so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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