i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
