Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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