The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
