when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
