Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize