im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
