Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We have started to decorate penises.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
