Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
