All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
