My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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