Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
