Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
