Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
