he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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