woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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