I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
