$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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