also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
