ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I FOUND THE LEGS
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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