One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
