I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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