Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
