I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
