i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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