seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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