I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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