I think I died a long time ago.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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