dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
