The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
