So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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