Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
only if we run a train.
done.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
