Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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