i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
