K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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