he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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