Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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