i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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