I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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