stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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