Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
