worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
