All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Can Purell be used as lube?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think my moral compass just broke
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
