Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
