we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
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she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
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are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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