I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
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Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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