After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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