I smell stomach acid.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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