"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
