god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
