and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
