My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
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Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
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I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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