Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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