and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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