at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
