Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
