Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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