i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
