the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
