someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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